Enemy's Mask Part 3
by DTroi57
Summary: summary in Part 1


Chapter 13

"Riker to Sickbay."

.

"Crusher here." "What is it Commander, run out of games to play?" Beverly's laugh could be heard over the comm.

"No, Doctor, Deanna has had some kind of "memory flash", she just.... Will explained what had happened. Beverly was all business as she agreed to meet him at Deanna's quarters.

Will met Beverly outside the door to Deanna's quarters. He was very concerned and wanted to get inside to see if Deanna was all right. Beverly laid a hand on Will's arm as he reached for the com panel beside Troi's door.

"Will, wait we can't just barge in, we don't want to upset her any further, nor Lwaxana either for that matter."

"You're right Doctor," Will took a deep breath and pressed the comm signal on the panel.

"Yes, who is it?" Lwaxana's voice came through the comm panel.

"Lwaxana it's Beverly Crusher and Commander Riker, may we come in?" Beverly stepped back slightly as the doors opened. Lwaxana stood there looking relaxed and refreshed.

"I was centering myself, it takes quite a bit longer these days to achieve a balance, as you can imagine." "Will why are you ringing the chime, you needn't ring when you bring Deanna..... Where IS Deanna?" She looked up and down the corridor.

"I don't understand, she isn't with you!!!"

Will and Beverly asked at the same time.

"No, she's been with Commander Riker since this morning, and..........

"Oh God!" "Little One!"

Lwaxana's eyes went blank for a moment, as she held up her hand. She was scanning for Deanna: sending out a thought broadcast. The broadcast would enable her to determine Deanna's location and her mental state.

"Will, she's in trouble, she's remembering...and she's all alone!" "We have to find her, hurry!" "Get Paxa, he'll be needed! Hang on Little One, hang on!"

Will Riker immediately responded,

"Computer, location of Counselor Troi."

Computer: "Counselor Troi is in Shuttlebay 2."

Riker had no clue as to why she would have gone to the shuttlebay. He contacted Geordi and ordered him to cut all power except life support to the bay.

"Riker to Picard." he spoke into the air.

"Picard, here," "What is it Number One?"

"Counselor Troi has had a psychic breakdown, and is in trouble, she is Shuttlebay 2."

"I am on my way there with Dr. Crusher, Jaksa Madwste and Mrs. Troi." Riker waited for the Captain's reply.

"Number One, I shall meet you there immediately," "Picard out."

The four of them headed to the turbolift that would take them to Shuttlebay 2. Picard reached the entrance to the shuttlebay at the same time as the others. Paxa ran up to the entrance to the bay, slightly out of breath.

"What happened to bring this on, Commander do you know?" Paxa wanted an answer immediately.

"I'm not sure, Doctor, and he explained the events that had occurred that day. Jaksa came running up to them,

"I was with Geordi when your call came through. What has happened to Deanna? Is she well?" He looked around the circle of people and realized that his friend was in serious trouble. He backed away to listen quietly. His antennae were twitching in response to the sounds coming from behind those doors. He knew the sounds, he had heard them many times before, while enroute to the Enterprise.

"Captain, please allow me to try to help Deanna, while you sort through what has happened...She is in desperate need of help." Jaksa's voice held a pleading note.

"Agreed, make it so, Mr. Madwste, we will be in contact as soon as possible. Picard spoke crisply, no one dared to protest. Jaksa entered the shuttlebay.

"Captain," Paxa began, "It seems that Deanna formed an involuntary psychic bond with Commander Riker in Ten Forward, and it triggered her memory. I have learned that she and Commander Riker had a previous emotional relationship which would make him the logical trigger for this type of event. It is unfortunate that I was not made aware of the nature of their relationship until now." Paxa looked angry as he tried to explain.

"You see Captain, when a Betazoid forms an intense emotional bond with someone as in a romantic relationship, that person becomes a very important part of his/her emotional well being, whether or not they remain involved with each other." "It is my hope, that with my help, he can get her through this crisis intact." Deanna's anguished screaming could be heard faintly through the shuttlebay door.

"Captain, we must take action!" Paxa looked to Riker and said, "Commander it's up to you to establish a dialog with her, she trusts you above anyone else, you ARE her best chance for recovery." Just before Will entered the shuttlebay, Beverly handed him a tricorder.

"I'll link this unit to the main comm. panel out here and keep a watch on Deanna's biosigns...it will give us some clue as to her physical state and her neuro status." "Try to get a bioscan now and then, OK?"

Will swallowed hard and hit the door panel. And paused before entering the room. The huge bay doors closed behind him and he took several steps into the room. The screams could be heard coming from somewhere deep in the bay. It was dark in the bay, with only auxiliary lights to brighten it. The lights lent a pale amber glow to the box-like shapes that were the shuttlecraft. Jaksa came up to Riker when he entered the shuttlebay...

"Commander, she is locked in a world of hatred and deception...She is remembering all the horrors she experienced. I was not able to reach her...the fear is too great. She has been sorely used...but she is still the woman you love...use that love wisely and you'll be able to free her." "Good luck, Commander."

"Thank you Jaksa, thank you for taking such good care of her, and for being such a good friend to both of us." Riker shook the tall Andorian's hand and turned towards the direction of the sounds.

"Deanna? Imzadi? Where are you?' he called out softly. He initiated a bioscan...and found her...she was several feet away directly in front of him...she had a fever now, and her blood pressure was sky high.

"Noooo," Deanna shrieked as she bolted past him, headed for the door.

"Wait Dee, wait!" Riker reached to grab her arm, and missed. Troi slipped on her way past the console, and fell, hitting her head on the corner. Will winced at the sound of her skull hitting the console. She fell then, blood spurting from a gash on her temple. She sat there on the floor dazed from the blow...Deanna shook her head as if to clear it. She began to babble incoherently. Will back away a step, almost frightened...she looked psychotic. Deanna sat completely still, babbling,her hair all disheveled, blood trickling from the cut.

"Deanna do you hear me?" Will whispered. Troi flinched as if from a blow.

"Sweetheart, you're bleeding, let me help you!" Deanna whimpered and shook her head,

"You're not real, it's a trick! Please let me go!" "Please I must escape.....No more PAIN, no more. Her voice got steadily louder and more hysterical, when she noticed that her hands were covered with blood!

"Uuuhhhhh, blood!" she cried out, as she began scrubbing at the blood on her hands.

"It won't come off, I can't get it off! Not my fault, didn't know what to do...I have to get away. Hide from them. Can't let them have me again!! Images of the faces of other prisoners, and the guards who had tortured them flashed through her mind. Hands grabbed at her fondled her....Images of her clothing being ripped from her, guards bending over her, forcing her to perform sexual acts...their hands, mouths ....she couldn't bear it!!!!

She raised her hands to her face again, more blood from the cut on her temple dripped onto them. Deanna tried to stand, but was dizzy from hitting her head....she sank back down to her hands and knees, and began to crawl towards the nearest shuttle. Soft, animal-like sounds came from her throat, her hands leaving bloody prints on the floor as she made her way inside the craft. Troi scrambled inside and wedged herself under the forward console. Will hadn't tried to stop her, afraid to frighten her even more than she already was. He knew that gaining Deanna's trust was most important...she was nearly incoherent. Beverly had given him a tricorder, just before he opened the door. He took it out and began a new bioscan on Deanna.

"Deanna?" Riker called out softly. He couldn't see her clearly but followed her into the shuttle.

"Come out, Imzadi, you're safe here with me...you know I'd never hurt you."

"Noo, g..go away! Please go away." Deanna was crying openly now, nearly choking with sobs...Will had never heard such a pitiful sound in his life, and knowing that it was his imzadi in pain, made it even worse.

"Baby, it's all right now, let me help you. You'll be safe, I won't let anyone hurt you anymore. I've never lied to you, I want to help you, keep you safe." Will's voice was low and choked with emotion. Deanna was moving around up front, looking for something. Will turned toward the door of the shuttle, someone had powered up the bay, including the lights. As light flooded the bay, Will turned back to Deanna. His mouth went dry. She was standing there, beside the pilot's seat, swaying slightly. In her badly shaking hands, she held a fully charged phaser. It was set to kill and was pointed directly at him! Troi held the phaser with both hands,

"Let me go....NOW!!!" she screamed at him. "You're not REAL!" "You're an illusion, a trick!" "I'm leaving and you're not stopping me!!!" "I'll, I'll KILL you, I will, I swear!" Her voice was edged in hysteria, and Will had no doubt that she'd do exactly as she said. This was not the real Deanna, this woman was completely out of control, driven by an all consuming fear and anger. He has to calm her down somehow, and soon!

"Please........she whispered, taking one hand off of the phaser and pressing it against her bleeding temple.

"Please, I can't hold on much longer, I'll shoot you! Hurts..........."

Will didn't know what else to do, so he walked over to the pilot's chair, and sat down, beginning to power up the shuttle. He contacted the Captain, and said:

"Riker to Picard...."

"Picard here...."

"Counselor Troi has a fully charged phaser set to kill. She is pointing it directly at me. I'm going to help her leave, to escape the terror. Lower the forcefield!"

"Number One...is she all right?" Picard's voice was heavily laced with concern.

"Definitely NOT, Captain. I have to do this to save her and possibly myself!"

"Understood, Number One, Proceed."

Will turned to Deanna,

"You need my help, Imzadi. You're not well. You can't fly this shuttle, and I'm a pilot! Imzadi, where do you want me to take you? Tell me Imzadi, where?" Riker hoped that by using the word the meant so much to them both, Deanna would remain o touch with reality.

"Don't call me that!!! Only The real Will can call me Imzadi!" "Stop it!"

Deanna's eyes darted from side to side, she shook her head to clear it. Her vision began to blur then clear, only to blur again. She couldn't think...

"No.....Yes!!, I don't know! They'll know, they'll take me again, I can't let it happen again. I can't trust anyone!" Deanna was crying again, she was nearing collapse, and was getting confused.

"You do remember, now don't you Deanna?" Will asked gently....

"No, No, I won't, I can't! It's too painful! Don't make me see it, please!" Paxa's voice came from the comm,

"I'm linked to her now Commander, she's very close to collapsing...ease up...let her take the lead. She's ready to remember now."

Will did not respond, his attention was focused entirely

on Troi.

"Riker to shuttle control, permission to get underway."

"Granted." Picard's voice came over the commlink, "Good luck, Commander." He turned to the ensign sitting at the helm...

"All stop."

"Aye sir, answering all stop."

Back aboard the Enterprise....

Lwaxana and Paxa were linked with Deanna's mind as she began to remember all that had happened to her. Paxa did not react, but Troi's mother gradually became more and more upset, until in tears she broke the link.

"Oh my God!!" she choked out.

"What is it Lwaxana?" Picard reached out to catch her as Lwaxana's knees threatened to give way.

"Those animals, beat her daily, gave her one meal a day. She was made to clean toilets!!! And then, then, when they couldn't humiliate her into submission, they raped her!!! They put her in a barracks with four guards for three days!!" Lwaxana's face was contorted with the horror she'd witnessed in her daughter's mind.

"Oh God Jean Luc, they did abominable things to her! How will she ever forget! They used her own mind against her, pain centers, pleasure centers, and finally her own fears to break her." "Oh Little One, my poor, poor baby!"

Lwaxana dissolved into tears and leaned into Captain Picard's chest. He held her in his arms giving her comfort as he himself let the horror of what she'd said sink in... He had personal experience with torture, and knew Deanna had a long and difficult road ahead of her.

Aboard the Shuttle.......

Riker piloted the shuttle out of the bay and away from the ship. Whe then turned the shuttle so that they had a clear view of the Enterprise as she hung suspended in space.

"Look Imzadi, we're off the ship, you're safe now." Deanna looked out of the viewport...then at Will.

"Tell me what happened Deanna. You can tell me anything. Who hurt you, Dee? What happened?" As she lowered the phaser slightly, he lunged for it.

"Guards...four...in the barracks.......raping me, touching. Over and over....I don't want to...Nnnooo!" Deanna shouted as she began to fight like a tigress- kicking him, biting him, pulling on the phaser with phenomenal strength. They struggled, Deanna was past caring, past feeling, all she knew was that she had to escape. Will's size and strength were clearly too much for her, but before he could pull the phaser away, Deanna landed a solid kick on his shin.

"OWWW", Deanna STOP!" He pulled the phaser free and slapped her! Her head snapped back from the force of the blow. Then he grabbed both of her arms and shook her, HARD! She put her hands up to protect her face.

Deanna went rigid with fear. She was panting and shaking....

"DEANNA.......IMZADI!" "It's ME, it's WILL! It's all over now......you're safe." Deanna kept struggling, whimpering and grunting with the effort.

"Look at me!!! LOOK AT ME!!!"

Will grabbed her face in both hands and forced her to meet his eyes.

"Deanna, sense me....feel me, you can tell if I'm real, please Imzadi, come back to us.....to me!"

Deanna abruptly stopped struggling and went still, panting. Her face and hands were covered with blood, she was bruised. Her eyes were wide, too wide in her pale face. She locked eyes with him, clearly frightened. He waited, panting from the struggle for the phaser.

Deanna tried to struggle through the chaos and confusion in her mind...She was so confused, she didn't want to lower her shields. What if it WAS a trick? They'd have her. This time she didn't have the strength to fight them or to protect herself. She'd be lost... . But then, what if it really was Will? Riker sensed the slight relaxation in Deanna's muscles, and let her go. Troi moved a short distance away. While he watched, her face went slack, her eyes focused on his. She slowly, cautiously lowered the mental shields that had kept her safe for so long.

Troi expanded her empathic sense outward and scanned the man who stood before her. Her body stiffened abruptly, as the calm, gentle strength that was Will washed over her senses. The uniquely golden sensation that she associated with him alone, filled her being. It really was him!!

She felt drained, weak and though the fear and horrific memories still beat at her consciousness, she was home, really and truly home!

"Oh.oh! W...W...Will, i..i..it's you! It's really you," she cried in a hoarse whisper. Deanna reached out and clutched his jacket in both hands. It was a though she was suddenly weak, needing to hold on to something solid and real. Deanna was drained, the horrid memories and fears still beating at her mind.

She looked up into Will's eyes. He smiled and the beloved blue eyes crinkled at the corner, as they should. There was the Enterprise, she could see it through the viewport. Will held his breath and waited to see what she did next, not wanting to frighten her. He was ready when she stepped right into his arms and buried her face in his chest. Troi stood there basking in his strength, and love, tears threatening to choke her. She tried to hold it all in and nearly succeeded until Will wrapped his arms around her and said...

"Let it go, Dee, let it go, I'll be right here." The love she heard in Will's voice was enough to unlock the pain and anguish she was feeling. It came rushing out in a torrent of tears and broken phrases. Her fragile strength at last ran out and she would have collapsed had she not been held securely in Will's arms. He sank to the floor of the shuttle and enfolded her on his lap, crooning soft words of comfort in her ear.

"Picard to Riker." The captain's voice came over the comlink.

"Riker, here," he answered, his voice rough with emotion.

"Number One what is your status? Is Deanna all right?" Picard sounded anxious, tense with the enforced inactivity, needing to do something.

"Captain,...she will be. We'll return to the ship shortly, please tell Dr. Crusher to have a medkit handy. The counselor has some superficial injuries." Will shielded his communicator somewhat so that the sounds of Deanna's sobs were muted.

"Riker out."

Will held Troi until her sobs quieted, and then carried her to the copilot's chair. Next he turned and opened a side panel, and pulled out a medkit. Deanna's eyes stayed closed as he cleaned and dressed the wound on her forehead. He kissed her forehead softly and put the kit on the floor between the pilot's seats. He got into the pilot's chair and turned the shuttle for the Enterprise. Deanna sat there, her breathing still rough with tears, looking as though she had no life left in her.

"Look, Deanna, home!" he said.

Deanna opened her eyes briefly and looked out at the ship. She smiled slightly and closed her eyes. They landed in the shuttlebay, and Will prepared to open the hatch. He could see the Captain and Beverly standing near the door with Lwaxana and Paxa, waiting for them to emerge from the shuttle. He stood up and turned to Troi,

"Ready?" he asked.

She nodded as tears filled her eyes again. She was too weak to stand, Will's own eyes filled with tears as he gently lifted Deanna from the chair and cradled her in his arms. He held her close as again she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face there, whispering broken phrases in his ear.

"Sshhhh, we'll have plenty of time to talk, later, let's get you back to sickbay and have Beverly check you out." He kissed her forehead and opened the hatch.

Four anxious faces greeted him, Beverly was standing beside an antigrav stretcher, waiting for her patient.He couldn't speak right away for the emotions clogging his throat.

"Let's get her to sick bay." Was all he could manage to say.

He walked over to the stretcher and gently lowered Troi onto it. He covered her with a blanket. She gripped his hand tightly, afraid to let go.

"Just a minute, Doctor..." he knelt and brushed the hair from Deanna's forehead.

"Don't worry Deanna, I'm going with you, I'll be right beside you all right?" he whispered close to her ear.

Deanna looked up at her mother and the Captain, standing a few feet away. She managed a soft, "hello", and closed her eyes. Lwaxana came over to the stretcher and leaned close to her daughter, she put her hand on Deanna's cheek. Troi opened her eyes, and grasped her mother's hand. She released her as Captain Picard stepped up beside her and took her hand...

"Welcome back to us, Deanna. "We've missed you." Deanna squeezed his hand as fresh tears fell from her eyes.

"Thank you, Captain," she whispered, and closed her eyes once more.

Chapter 14

In Sickbay.......

Once Deanna was settled on a biobed, Beverly asked everyone to leave the room.

"I'd like to examine Deanna and treat these lacerations." She ordered. As she said the words, Troi held on to Will's hand and pulled him down close to her,

"Imzadi," she whispered softly.

"Imzadi," he repeated as he bent and placed a gentle kiss in her lips. He smiled as they gazed into each other's eyes.

"Get some rest now, I'll be right here when you wake up. "Promise?" Troi whispered.

"I promise," Riker answered.

He stood up and left the room with the others. Beverly began her examination...talking softly to her best friend as she treated her injuries. She administered several hyposprays to treat the infection, fever and pain. Deanna was quiet and still throughout most of the treatment, until Beverly finished. Troi reached out and took hold of Beverly's arm,

"Wait....," she whispered.

Beverly turned and looked down at Troi. She began cleaning the wound on her temple. Troi tried to find the words....

"Beverly, how long have I been back?" Troi's voice quivered with emotion.

"I can't remember anything before sitting with Will in Ten Forward...." Her eyes filled again....

"Deanna, you've been through a major ordeal a serious trauma to both your mind and body...Let's hold off discussing the specifics until we get you whole and well again physically, all right?" Beverly responded.

"Then I promise that I'll sit down with you and tell you the entire story." "For now, let me do my job." Beverly smiled and squeezed Troi's hand, she knew that Deanna wouldn't be satisfied with that ploy for very long.....but she'd cross that bridge when she came to it. She finished healing the nasty gash on Deanna's forehead as well as various bumps and bruises.

"Now how about we move you to a private room, and I'll help you to shower and change into your night clothes?" Crusher asked Troi.

"I'd like to keep you here for a day or two for observation." Beverly spoke in a voice that allowed for no discussion.

"I can do it, you must be busy." Deanna responded.

"You are my first priority right now if that's all right with you!" Bev chuckled, "And you'll need help, you're much weaker than you think."

"I'll be fine, Doctor, you'll see." Deanna said as she swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. She wanted to be able to move around on her own. It had been a long time since she had been able to do so, and she intended to take advantage of it. She soon changed her mind. The room began to spin and her heart felt as though it were pounding out of her chest, she reached blindly for the edge of the bed.

"Oh....," she said as her knees started to buckle. Beverly and a nurse were right beside her, supporting her on both sides. The room finally calmed and she stood swaying slightly.

" I will need some help after all, Beverly. Thank you Alyssa, I'm glad you were here." Deanna looked gratefully at the petite oriental nurse beside her.

"I'm glad that I was here too, counselor, welcome back." Alyssa smiled at Troi as she and Dr. Crusher led her across the room to the private room outside Crusher's private suite.

"I've taken the liberty of getting some of your nightclothes and bedding from the replicator, Counselor," Alyssa said, "I thought it might be a comfort to have your own things around you while you recuperate."

"Thank-you Alyssa, you were right, it will be helpful." Deanna responded warmly,

"Call me Deanna."

"Oh, all right Couns....uh..Deanna." Alyssa smiled and went on to her duties. Deanna stood beside the bed and reached for a nightgown and toiletries. Beverly took her arm and helped her to the adjoining bathroom.

"Well what'll it be my friend....a bath or shower?" She already knew what Deanna's answer would be, but asked anyway.

"Oh a bath, please, it's been a long....," Troi's voice trailed off as she tried to remember just how long it had been and why.

"What is it Deanna?" Beverly asked gently. Troi turned to her friend as tears filled her eyes, threatening to overflow.

"They took so much...they hurt ...., she whispered. "I can't really believe I'm here......and .......never mind." A single tear escaped and rolled down Troi's cheek. Beverly didn't say anything, just hugged her friend gently.

"Let's get you into the tub..." she said finally, her own eyes were moist. Beverly filled the tub with warm scented water and helped Deanna get undressed. Deanna sighed loudly as she sank into the bubbles.

"OOOOHHHHHHHHH," "This is heaven!" she said happily.

"I'll leave you alone to soak, just use the comm panel behind you to call me when you're ready to do your hair, I'll help you with that, okay?" Crusher asked.

"Thank-you Beverly, I will." Troi answered. She sank down into the warm scented water...trying to relax. The emotions of everyone on the ship began to crowd in upon her. Flashes of what had happened to her flooded her mind. Will's face swam before her...he'd never understand. The tears she'd been holding back fell unchecked. Great, wrenching sobs erupted from Deanna's throat, and try as she might, she couldn't stop them. A soft knock on the door, went unanswered, as Deanna's grief poured from her. Beverly stood on the other side of the door, listening to the sobs coming from inside.

"Dee?" Beverly knew that Deanna hadn't heard her, so she hit the panel releasing the lock on the door. Deanna was sitting huddled in the center of the tub, her fists pressed to her eyes, her body jerking with the force of her sobbing.

"Oh baby, what did those monsters do to you?" She moved to the side of the tub and put a gentle hand on Deanna's shoulder. Deanna looked up at her, a hand pressed to her mouth. "I..."

"No need, Dee.......It's all right." She sat quietly as Deanna leaned her face against her shoulder and sobbed . Beverly held her friend, stroking the dark head. Gradually, Deanna quieted, and sat back...

"I'm sorry Beverly..." Her voice was broken by soft gasps.

"Deanna, please don't apologize. I'm glad that I was here, let's get your hair done and get you out of this tub. OK?" Beverly helped her wash and condition her hair, then helped her out of the tub. Crusher then gave her a huge fluffy towel to dry off with. With Beverly's help, Deanna was able to accomplish that simple chore. She was so weak that the bath exhausted her...Deanna sat on the edge of the tub. Beverly used the sonic dryer on Troi's long thick hair. It dried into soft curls and waves. Beverly turned away to put the towel in the reprocessor. When she turned to face Troi, Deanna was holding the nightgown up on her shoulders with a very distressed look on her face.

"What is it Deanna? Are you in pain?" Beverly reached for a hypospray.

"No..." Troi whispered. "My nightgown...it's too big!" She looked up at Beverly, her eyes huge in her pale face. Once again those eyes were filled with tears.

"I'm sssoo thin!"Deanna whispered.

"Oh, sweetie, I didn't think. Let me call up a smaller one for you." She went to the replicator and came back holding a smaller gown.

"Here try this one." She helped Troi pull it over her head and settled it into place.

"There that's better," she said as she hugged Deanna again. "Don't worry, we'll get you fattened up ASAP. "Now let's get you settled so that your mother can come in, she's getting very impatient."

"I can't seem to stop crying, Beverly, forgive me..." Deanna replied as she wiped her eyes.

Crusher looked down at her friend, and said,

"Deanna you've been through a major trauma and are still ill, it will pass as you regain your strength, you need to get some rest."

Deanna settled down into the pillows and allowed Crusher to pull the sheets and a floral quilt over her.

"What made you choose this one, it was in my quarters?" she queried.

"I loved the pattern, it's a beautiful quilt" Beverly answered.

"Will gave me this quilt, on Betazed." Troi explained. "He had come to visit and I was sick." She smiled and closed her eyes.

Lwaxana Troi looked down at her sleeping child. Funny, that no matter how old Deanna was, she still saw her as a child. She knew, of course that Deanna was an adult, but that simple fact still held true. Lwaxana shuddered as the images she had seen in Deanna's mind came back to her. It made her seethe with anger inside to think about what her daughter had gone through. "And for what???!!! That Romulan woman's revenge???" Her heart ached for her child. No one and nothing would ever hurt her again, she'd see to that. She had changed, become more cynical since Deanna's disappearance and she wasn't the only one.

Now it looked as though Commander Riker had undergone some definite personal changes himself since this horrible ordeal began. Lwaxana sat there musing, thinking of the changes she had discovered in Will Riker since coming aboard. There were obvious physical changes since she'd last seen him. He had a touch of gray in his hair, very becoming in fact, and some tiny lines around his eyes. "His eyes! That was the most drastic change! Yes!" His eyes were older and pain filled, he was open to her in a way he had never been before. It was then that she realized just how much he loved her daughter. He loved Deanna, not with the lustful passion of his youth, but a deeper, richer more mature love. This was a love that nothing could ever sever, not her, not his career, not Deanna herself. She sighed aloud and waited for Deanna to awaken.

Chapter 15

Deanna's eyes opened slowly, as she fought through the drugged haze of sleep. Where was she??? Oh yes, on the Enterprise.

~~~~ Mother??? She thought/sent to Lwaxana, who was sitting in a chair beside her bed, dozing.

~~~~ What?...oh Deanna!...you're awake!!

Lwaxana stood up and moved to the head of Deanna's bed. She leaned down and kissed her daughter's forehead.

~~~~How are you??? Oh, "Little One".... I've been so worried about you.....!

~~~~ I'm all right now, Mother....just tired...It..

~~~~ I know baby, I was linked with you in the shuttlebay when....

~~~~ Oh god Mother, no!!.....Deanna's eyes filled with tears and she turned away from Lwaxana. Sobs shook her thin frame.

~~~~ "Little One", don't turn from me...it's all right now....it wasn't your fault. I'm here...don't cry.

Lwaxana gathered her child into her arms and held her close. All of the pain and anguish that Deanna was feeling was her pain as well. Deanna was able to just share her innermost feelings with her mother in a way that happened with few others. Will and her father were the exceptions.

The two Troi women sat on the biobed, drawing comfort from just being close to one another. Eventually Deanna fell asleep again, the medication that she had been given, blotting out her consciousness and allowing her to rest. Lwaxana eased her daughter back onto the bed and covered her once more. She left the room pausing to look back to see her child sleeping, at peace at last.

Ten Forward......

Later that evening, there was an air of celebration as the entire Enterprise family shared in the joy of Deanna's complete return to them. Now that she was truly herself again, they could all breathe a sigh of relief.

Their counselor was a vital member of their crew. It was she that kept them all on an even emotional keel. Deanna's Betazoid abilities made her exceptionally good at her job, and therefore the crew was happy to know that she was on her way to a full recovery. Also in addition to her considerable professional talents, Deanna was an extremely likable person...she was kind, gentle and considerate to everyone she met; she was very well liked among the crew.

Several junior officers were celebrating, toasting Deanna's health and well being...Lieutenant Worf was there supervising the revelers, he too was very pleased that Deanna was herself again....Commander Riker sat apart from the crowd....quietly sipping a cup of coffee. Worf debated going over to speak to him...just as he decided to do so, Will finished his coffee and stood up to leave....Worf stood up as well and walked over to the table where Riker stood.

"Commander, do you have a moment?" he said gruffly.

"Of course, Mr. Worf." Will answered, gesturing to the chair opposite him. "Please, sit down..."

"Thank you, sir..." Worf sat down, and paused, waiting for the Commander to sit as well.

"What can I do for you, Worf?" Riker asked. Although he had a pretty good idea what the man wanted to speak to him about.

"I wanted to speak with you about the Counselor." "She is well?" he asked.

"Deanna is doing much better Worf, yes, but she has a long recovery ahead of her." Will explained.

"The Romulans treated her brutally, there was considerable abuse ...emotional, physical, and..."

He never got a chance to finish...as Worf erupted in a string of Klingon!

"You are speaking of rape!" he demanded.

"Worf, please calm down, it won't help if you get angry." "It's over and we all need to be supportive if Deanna is to fully recover." Will started to rise,

"Was there anything else, I'd like to get back to her."

"No, sir, nothing." Worf was seething as he watched the Commander leave the room. Perhaps not today, or tomorrow, but somehow/someday the Romulans would pay for their treatment of the counselor. They had no honor and they would pay...he swore to himself, on the House of Mogh, they would pay!!

Chapter 16

Will Riker stood in the doorway of Deanna's room. He was thinking about a conversation he'd just had with Lwaxana Troi. She told him of her impressions of him since boarding the ship, and that she new now how he truly felt about her daughter. Hell he barely knew how he felt, but somehow, she had made him feel as though she really did understand. He smiled, feeling so grateful that he and Deanna would have another chance. She was back, and looked so good, to him. True she was thin and very fragile, a little battered and scarred, but she was home. He'd spend the rest of..

"Hello Will." Deanna's sleepy voice roused him from his thoughts. Her eyes were clear and bright, but not from fever. She smiled and held out her hand.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty!" Will chuckled as he walked to the bed and took her hand.

"You've slept through a whole day. What did Beverly do, knock you out?"

Deanna smiled again and shrugged, "A hypospray, something strong, I suspect. But Will, you can't call me Sleeping Beauty."

"And why not, you're beautiful and you were asleep." Will retorted.

"Yes but she was awakened with a kiss!" The last few words were a whisper.

"Ah yes, I see." Will's voice had dropped an octave, to the pitch that had the power to give her goosebumps. "Well, perhaps I can remedy that situation...," he said softly.

He put one hand on either side of Deanna's head. His face only inches away as their eyes met and held.

"You sure about this?" Will whispered. Deanna nodded slowly and surely.

"Close your eyes." He murmured, and watched as those wide black eyes drifted shut.

God she was beautiful! He kissed her then...softly...sweetly, his touch gentle as he savored the taste and feel of her lips beneath his. It had been far too long, how he had missed her. He pulled back and froze as their eyes opened and met again. Neither spoke as the emotions of the moment overwhelmed them both. Her eyes drank him in as her voice sweetly filled his mind......

"Imzadi" she breathed. "I love you."

Deanna felt herself being pulled into the spell of his blue eyes as they looked at one another. His voice echoed in her mind as he said the word she had waited so long to hear....

"I love you, my Imzadi, more than I can say."

Deanna reached up and pulled him down for another kiss. This time when their lips met, they were parted and the kiss was deep and long. It was a kiss that held a sweetness, a promise of rediscovery of something precious that both had thought lost. They parted but stayed close, forehead to forehead eyes closed. Deanna was trembling. She knew that it was too soon for this, but she just couldn't help herself. She needed this man. She'd waited so long, sacrificed so much. She slid her arms up aound his neck, lifting herself off the bed for a good long hug. Will happily gathered her slim form against his chest.

A cough came from outside the door, Will sat back reluctantly and smiled down at Troi as he called out...

"Come in!"

Captain Picard stood framed in the doorway, smiling.

"I did knock, but you two were pre-occupied."

Both Will and Deanna had the grace to blush and look a little uncomfortable.

Picard continued into the room...

"Feeling better, this morning, Counselor??? He asked, still smiling. The sight of the two of them kissing had brightened his day! He was happy for them and didn't hesitate to show them...

"Captain! Yes, I'm much better thank you!" Deanna finally managed to say. "Please come in, Will and I were...."

"Stop, Deanna," Will chuckled, "Gauging from the look on his face, I think that the Captain knows exactly what we were doing!" He bent and touched the tip of her nose..

"I have to go. I have the Bridge in 15 minutes, I'll see you later." "Captain." He said as he left the room. They heard him whistling as he left sickbay.

Picard turned back to Troi.

"Well the commander is certainly in a good mood this morning," he turned serious.

"He never stopped looking for you Deanna, even when others did. He loves you very much you know."

"Captain, please,"Troi began.

Picard held up his hand.

"No explanations please Counselor. Deanna, I have never interfered in yours or Commander Riker's lives, especially where your relationship with each other was concerned." Picard paused, choosing his words carefully. "However, I think I need to tell you that, should the two of you decide to resume your relationship, you'll have my complete support. You both mean a great deal to me personally, and I'd would be very pleased to see you both happy." Deanna couldn't speak for a moment, her throat tight with emotion.

"Captain, Jean-Luc, it means so much to have you say that your opinion and approval are important to both Will and myself, thank-you."

"You're welcome, Deanna. Picard began. Troi looked up at him suddenly, "What is it Captain, you're apprehensive about something?"

Picard did not know quite where to begin, He wanted to be a help to Deanna, not to embarrass or hurt her in any way. He had cleared this conversation with both Dr.Paxa and Dr. Crusher, but he was apprehensive all the same.

"Deanna," he began. "You know how I feel about you, how I respect you as a professional. I admire your abilities both as a Betazoid and as a counselor." "You know that don't you?" he asked. Troi nodded solemnly.

"Well what I haven't told you is how much you mean to me as a close personal friend. I think of you as the daughter I never had." Troi's eyes filled with tears.

"Ahem, at any rate, I want to help you in any way possible, to deal with the aftereffects of your captivity." he continued.

"As you know I have first hand knowledge of what you may have gone through and I would like to help you if I may."

"Thank you Captain," Troi whispered. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I can't." she paused.

"Deanna, I know it's too soon, I just wanted you to know that you can come to me anytime, whenever you need to talk, I'll be more than willing to listen." Troi closed her eyes for a moment, trying to maintain her self control. How could she tell him about the things that she had experienced? Just thinking about them made her feel panicky. No it was better this way.

"Captain, I do appreciate what you're trying to do, really-but I'm fine. Deanna's normally soft contralto voice was hard with anger.

"The Romulans have already taken too much of my life from me, sir, but I've beaten them. I fought back and won, they'll not hurt me any further." Deanna was quite adamant. Picard raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised.

"Are you sure? I know what you've been through, Deanna and torture of any kind, especially subliminal torture can be very destructive, he shuddered.

"I remember having nightmares so real that I woke up terrified." "You see Counselor I KNOW what you feel right now. I've lived it myself."

"Thank you sir, really though, I'm fine now that I'm home and my memory has returned. At least most of it has, but I'm sure the rest will follow soon. I'm fine!" Deanna seemed so sure of herself.

"Well if you're sure...But please feel free to contact me should you need to talk." Picard was clearly not convinced.

"Thank-you Captain, Troi said warmly, "should I need to talk to a friend, I'll call on you." Picard stood up to leave-

"Again Deanna, I am very happy that you're home with us." He bent and kissed her cheek. Deanna flushed in surprise.

"It's good to be home, Captain, thank you!"

Chapter 17

After the captain left, Deanna slid down in her bed. She was exhausted, but knew she'd be unable to sleep. She wanted to lie here and relax and think about Will. Her Imzadi. She smiled to herself, pleased with the way that their relationship ws evolving. When she and Will had kissed this morning, it was as though the intervening years had never happened. The joy she had felt had been like honey bursting through her veins, but...there had been an underlying feeling of panic.

Inevitably the captain's words had stirred up a feeling of panic inside. He DID know about the feelings, the anger the sense of unreality. She knew how well he knew because she had counseled him throughout his recovery from his imprisonment with the Cardassians and the Borg. It was still hard to believe that she was home...She had dreamed about this so many times. When she slept, which hadn't been often. Now that she was here, she felt isolated. Everyone was acting so tentative towards her. As though she would shatter if they treated her normally. How long had she been home?? What had happened since she had been returned?

Troi still felt that she couldn't tell anyone about what she was feeling. No, she had to help herself. Any self respecting Betazoid would have the tools to help herself. But why? Why did she feel so helpless?? Her human side made even her strongest defenses weaker, but she could overcome that! She had to overcome it. No! she wanted to think of pleasant things, like being home, with her mother and her ship's family and of course...Will.

She smiled to herself. True, it was rather soon, to be embarking on a romantic relationship (her mother's words), since her rescue and recovery had just occurred, but the idea of their going on as before was simply NOT an option. She had looked death in the face, that had made a permanent impression on her. Troi's outlook on everything had changed. She had realized the life was too short, you had to fight for what you really wanted. Too much had happened, and despite the fact that she was home, and safe, she still felt frightened, and insecure about alot of things. This relationship was the one thing in her life right now that she felt sure of.

She tried hard to sleep but found her mind too active, to charged, perhaps some tea. She got up slowly, pausing to let the dizziness pass. She thrust a hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face. Deanna shuddered - "Damn this hair" she thought and turned to the replicator, as an image flashed into her mind. It was fleeting, disappearing as fast as it had come, the image of a man's hand wrapped in her hair! The image was gone, but the nausea remained. She reached up and grasped a lock of her hair. It curled around her palm, with a life of it's own. Deanna gasped as the nausea intensified. Her mind's eye turned inward and she froze as images unfolded.

~~~~ A man, a Romulan was bending her over his arm, she struggled, he reached up and wrapped his fist in her hair. His other hand was clenched it the front of her blouse. He bent over her and buried his face in her thick hair. "AAAAAHHHHHHH so beautiful!" he whispered, his breath foul on her cheek. He kept rubbing his face with her hair, she was revolted and tried to squirm from his grasp. He held her tightly and ripped her blouse from her, pulling it from her shrinking flesh, leaving her chest exposed to his eyes. Those eyes gleamed as he lowered his head and began to press hot kisses on her flesh.

"Noooooo!" she shrieked. Deanna shook her head violently shattering the images, to find herself huddled on the floor before the replicator. Sobbing quietly she crawled forward and pulled her self up to stand in front of the replicator padd. Barely aware of her actions, Deanna touched the main menu padd. There on the list was what she sought...

Computer, shears, one pair>>

When they appeared she reached for them, a lock of her hair slid forward over her shoulder, causing a shudder of revulsion to rip through her body. Outwardly it was long thick and curly, but to Deanna, it was as if snakes had sprouted from her scalp, she wanted it gone! Troi picked up the strands of hair, and with tears streaming down her face, she raised the shears. Light from the bedside flashed from the blades. She cut the lock about 2 inches from her head. It fell slowly to the floor, she cut another, and another. Her revulsion turned to rage as she hacked at her hair.

"Deanna!" Three shocked voices echoed from the doorway as Troi whipped around to face them. She was again sitting on the floor, her hair pooled in haphazard piles on the floor around her. Identical expressions were mirrored on the faces of th three people standing in the door. Deanna's head was now covered in uneven ringlets about her face and neck. Her face was awash with tears, the scissors still clutched in the fingers of her right hand. For a few long moments, no one spoke.

Jaksa and Beverly came into the room and knelt beside Troi, one on either side.

"Ssshhh, Deanna, it's alright." Beverly murmured. "Don't cry it's all over now."

"That's right, Deanna," Jaksa agreed. "So you cut your hair, no big deal. After all, it IS your hair."

Troi looked from one to the other, she sat quietly shivering in the warm room.

"You scared us half to death, though Dee," Beverly continued. "You were screaming at the top of your lungs!" "Are you alright, now?"

Deanna just nodded mutely.

"OK then. Jaksa, let us know if you need anything, alright? Crusher spoke softly as she met his eyes. A look of comprehension passed between them.

"Come on, Alyssa, things are under control here." She and Alyssa walked from the room.

Jaksa sat quietly and took the shears from Troi's hand. Little was said for the next several minutes as he evened out the length of her hair. When he'd finished, it curled in soft ringlets about her face and neck. He cleaned the floor and brushed her robe free of hair. Then he sat again...waiting.

"I cut my hair!" Deanna said defiantly as she finally met his eyes.

"Yes you did." Jaksa answered. He reached out and touched a short curl. "It's quite a shock...but I like it!" He smiled down at her. "Want to see it?"

"Alright." Troi whispered.

Jaksa took her hand and led her into the bathroom. The light came on and Deanna turned and looked into the mirror. Her mouth dropped open in shock, and her hand went up to her hair. She didn't say anything, just stared in silence at her reflection. Deanna's eyes immediately went to Jaksa's in the mirror; hers were haunted, his held only understanding. Troi gripped the edge of the counter with both hands as she started to shake.

"Tell me Deanna, tell me what you remembered - why you felt you had to cut your hair." Jaksa spoke softly and soothingly, as he put his large blue hands on her shoulders-rubbing gently.

"How? What?" Deanna stammered. He knew. How he knew Deanna wasn't sure, but he did. She swallowed and avoided his gaze.

"Jaksa, you've already done so much for me. The fact that you're here on the Enterprise is proof of that. You've done enough." "I don't want to burden you further." Deanna spoke in a low voice, the depth of her emotions was evident in the husky quality of her tone. Jaksa turned her to face him and waited until her eyes lifted to meet his.

"Deanna, first and foremost, I want to help. we have been through far too much together for me to just stop caring for you." Jaksa continued urgently. "Besides the fact that I have been your primary caregiver over the last several weeks, I care about you, and what happens to you!" Now, tell me...if you can."

"I saw him..." Deanna shook her head. "No, I saw a man, a Romulan!" She moved away from Jaksa and went to stand in the furthest corner of the room. Her voice took on a halting quality as the entire story came out in a rush. When she'd finished, Jaksa walked over to her and paused a few steps from her. He could see her trembling, struggling to bring her emotions back under control. He now knew just how important it was for her to be in control at all times.

Deanna was struggling to manage the fear and revulsion she'd felt. It was difficult to sort out what was real and what was just leftover from the hallucination. She shuddered and opened her eyes. Jaksa hadn't moved, he just extended his hand. She took it and allowed him to lead her back to her bed. He removed her robe and helped her into bed.

"Rest now, my lovely one, we can talk more about this later." Jaksa could see that she was exhausted and that she was beginning to run a fever.

"No, now." Troi insisted. "I haven't had a chance to thank you for all that you've done for me and for my family. You cared for me, literally saving my life." Deanna sighed. "I feel so inadequate. I don't know how to tell you how I feel."

"It's alright, I know." Jaksa said sincerely. "Now, go to sleep, I'll be here, ok?" Troi nodded. Jaksa held Deanna's hands in his until she fell asleep. He ordered the computer to dim the lights and returned to his quarters. Once there he dictated a full report of the incident and sent it to Captain Picard, and to both Dr. Crusher and Dr. Paxa. In sickbay, Alyssa came in to check on Troi, and found her sound asleep. She covered her with the quilt and turned to go, just catching the smile that appeared on Deanna's face. The white rabbit from Geordi was propped on her pillow.

"Must be a good dream." Alyssa said to herself, smiling. She continued on out of the room, closing the door as she left.

~~~~ "What a beautiful place." Troi thought as she cleared the trees and came to a place where the path widened into a clearing. True it was a small clearing, but it had a perfect pool on the far side, nestled among several smooth boulders. It was fed by a trickle of spring water from somewhere up in the hills. It was so clear, that she could see pebbles on the bottom even though it was quite deep. It was so hot, her skin was flushed and damp, her uniform sticking to her uncomfortably. A swim was just what she needed. There was a shaded area by the rocks, so she headed there and sat down. She tugged off her boots, wondering why she was hiking in her uniform, oh well. Deanna shook her head, never mind. She quickly stripped off her clothes and waded into the pool. The water was cold and refreshing. The breeze was cool on her nude body. She stood there briefly allowing the cool air to flow over her. The temptation of the water was too much to ignore for long. Troi dove deep into the pool swimming strongly to the center.

The cool water was invigorating, refreshing her and washing the dust and perspiration from her skin and hair. Deanna kicked upwards, breaking the surface in a fountain of crystalline spray. She swam towards the bank until her feet touched bottom and she stood up. She pushed the water from her hair and eyes with both hands. The air felt so good that she raised her arms over her head and stretched. The water sluiced down over her nude torso to the surface which was now at waist level.

"Beautiful ! " a voice called from the bank behind her. Deanna half turned to see Will Riker sitting on a large boulder at the edge of the pool. She turned slowly to face him-shaking the water out of her hair. She didn't respond, just stood there. Her skin glistened in the sun, her fingertips dangling in the water at her sides. Will smiled then, a slow lazy smile; his blue eyes twinkling in a way that made her pulse race. He stood up then and pulled of his boots and clothing, finally standing nude on the bank. "Gods he was magnificent!" Troi thought. The thought made her smile slightly and her eyes widened. Will walked down into the water, wading slowly towards her, until he stood directly in front of her. His eyes never left hers, as his fingers found hers under the water. Will gazed down into her eyes, his expression suddenly serious and heavy lidded with passion. She knew her own eyes must look the same, he had always bee able to arouse her with merely a look.

Deanna's dream was so intense that she had become entangled in the bedcovers and her breathing had become shallow and uneven.

~~~~ Will clasped her hands and then released them to run his hands up her arms and over her shoulders. He brushed the tops of her breasts with his thumbs, causing her to catch her breath; goosebumps erupted over her skin. He pulled her close, their nude bodies finally touching.

Riker lowered his head towards her upturned mouth and kissed her. The kiss was electric! Deanna's eyes drifted shut as her body responded to the fire he was creating. The kiss ended and she opened her eyes slowly, only to find the green eyed gaze of one of the prison camp guards that had raped her repeatedly. Troi's body went rigid, he threw back his head and laughed .

"I knew you wanted me, you Betazoid slut, you're all alike! I knew I'd could have you!"

Deanna screamed and struggled to get away, but he held her tightly. He lowered his mouth towards her breast. "No!"

Troi bolted upright in her bed shaking and sick. Her body covered in perspiration, panting as nausea gripped her stomach.

"Oh God,no," she cried out. Sobs formed a painful lump in her throat and her chest hurt, she knew she was going to be sick. Deanna jumped from the bed and ran into the bathroom, barely making it before being violently ill. The sobs wrenched free as she slumped to the floor pale and shaking with reaction.

"It was a dream, only a dream!" she whispered like a child's litany. The sobs continued, and she heard Worf's voice on the other room.

"Counselor? Deanna? Are you all right?" Worf's gruff voice made her cry harder. He mustn't see her like this. But then he came around the corner of the bathroom door as she was getting up from the floor.

Worf rushed to her side and helped her up. She was still crying too hard to speak, so he picked her up and carried her into the other room and sat her in a chair.

"What is it Deanna? Are you hurt, ill?" Tell me I'll call Dr. Crusher!" Worf ground out, his voice strained with concern.

Deanna swallowed her tears and said,

"No! Please Worf, I'll be all right. I just need, a ,moment." she sobbed and fought for control. Worf understood how important it was for Troi to be in control. He felt the same, so he turned away slightly and gave her time to compose herself a little. When her crying had diminished, he turned back and was shocked at the naked grief on her face. She looked as though she been through a battle. He waited.

"I'm sorry Worf, I...it was a...dream, a nightmare. I'll be all right now." Troi's voice was hollow and strained. "What did you want?"

"No, it wasn't important, I was intending to visit and see how you were recovering. It appears that you are having difficulties." "Is Dr. Crusher aware of these dreams?" he asked, concerned over her distress.

"It's not important, Worf, really it's a normal reaction to the kind of trauma I've experienced. It's nothing to be concerned about, really." "I'm the psychologist here, remember?" Troi smiled wanly.

Worf still didn't look convinced, but he didn't argue with her. He didn't want to upset her further.

"You have cut your hair, Deanna!" "It is, different!" Worf commented.

"Yes, it was time." Deanna responded. She had raised her hand to her hair in a self conscious gesture. Worf didn't say anything further. After talking quietly for half an hour, Deanna was visibly more relaxed, so Worf felt more comfortable taking his leave of her.

"Please be sure to tell the doctor should this occur again, it would not be beneficial to hide these dreams. Will you do this?" Worf demanded.

"I'll do what's best I promise Worf, thank you for you concern." Deanna smiled. Worf came over and hugged her, kissing her on the cheek.

"You must take better care of yourself Deanna, you are a valued friend, I would not want to see anything unfortunate happen to you." It was a rare expression of emotion from Worf, and Deanna would treasure it. Worf left and Deanna crawled back into her bed to huddle under the covers shivering. She couldn't close her eyes, the dream was still too real, too fresh. She cried quietly as the lights dimmed. It was "ship's night".

Chapter 18

Will Riker got off bridge duty just before ten o'clock, and he was beat. Several hours of chasing border poachers had been tedious and irritating, he decided to go to ten forward for a drink, before checking in on Deanna.

He caught sight of Worf standing at the bar talking to Guinan, funny he looked concerned! "I wonder." Will thought. He walked up just in time to hear Guinan say,

"Well perhaps you should discuss what you observed about the Counselor, with Doctor Crusher." His heart jumped,

"What about Deanna?"

Worf turned then and looked uncomfortable. He looked as though he knew something but wasn't sure if he should discuss it.

"Commander." He said. "It is not honorable to discuss the private affairs of another person. However, if there is a situation that could be harmful to that person, it is acceptable to discuss it am I correct?"

"Worf, what is it?" "Has something happened?" Will felt a prickling sensation on the back of his neck...

Worf grudgingly told Commander Riker about his encounter with Deanna in Sickbay. When he'd finished Riker left without a backward glance.

Deanna was sitting on a chair beside her bed, drinking a cup of tea, when Will knocked. She'd given up trying to go back to sleep. She looked up and smiled at him.

"Hello Will, did you just get off duty? You must be tired. You didn't need to come here, you should get some rest."

"My God, Deanna! Your hair!" Riker was stunned. "What did you do to your hair?"

"I cut it!" Troi answered, in a defensive tone of voice. "Why? Don't you like it?" Riker was put off balance.

"I'll get used to it, as long as you're comfortable with it." he said."Why didn't you tell me about the nightmares, Deanna? I want to help you, don't you know that?" Deanna put her cup on the side table.

"Worf had no right to divulge that information to anyone." Deanna said frostily.

"Deanna, this is ME, Will, remember, the man who loves you?" Will was getting angry as well.

"That doesn't change the fact that he shouldn't have told you!" Deanna's voice rose a little. "It's no one's business but mine, Will! Why does everyone insist on making decisions FOR me! I'm not an invalid! I'm NOT going to break!!" She was nearly shouting.

"Deanna take it easy, I know what you've been through."

"Don't you dare patronize me, Will Riker, you have no idea WHAT I've been through. No one does!!" Troi's voice was edged with hysteria, her face pale against the blue of her robe. She looked at him as though he'd become a stranger.

"I'm sorry, Deanna. You're right, I don't know. But you have to let the people who love you, help you. I won't press the issue, but are you okay? Worf said you were really upset?"

Deanna could feel tears threatening, her chin came up and she replied,

"Will, I'm FINE!" She stood up and crossed her arms beneath her breasts, as if holding herself. It was an unconscious gesture, but he knew it well. Troi turned away from his gaze.

Will walked up behind her and clasped her shoulders, she was trembling. He pulled her back against him, putting his chin on the top of her head.

"I'm sorry Deanna. I love you, and when you hurt, I hurt. That's all." He said it softly, and with such caring that Deanna's defenses began to fall apart. She turned and looked up at him, her eyes filled.

"It was a dream." Troi recounted the entire dream. When she'd finished, Will gathered her close and held her tightly. He knew that she'd been abused, but he hadn't allowed himself to think about what that abuse might have entailed. He didn't say anything, just allowed her to draw strength from his presence. Deanna pulled back and yawned.

"I'm tired Will, but I'm afraid to go back to sleep. Could you stay for a little while?"

"I'll stay as long as you need me to, all right?" At that moment, Will Riker would have swallowed knives if she'd asked him.

"Thank you, Will. I would feel better." She smiled at him. Will kissed her lightly once and then again more deeply, his hand slid up her back, pulling her close. Deanna stiffened and pushed him away. "Please, I can't!" Troi whispered.

"Hey, slow down, Deanna, it's all right...we won't go any further, what is it? You're shaking!" Riker was very concerned now. She hadn't reacted this way at all since she'd recovered her memory. Will looked down at her face. She was white faced and trembling

Troi wouldn't look at him. She couldn't tell him - not yet - he'd never understand.

"Just hold me, please??" she finally was able to whisper.

"Come here, Imzadi, you don't need to explain." He held her close, but lightly.

"Let's get you back into bed, you need to rest, I'll be right here, I won't leave." Troi got into bed, Will climbed in next to her, wearing a T shirt and his trousers. Deanna smiled at him, relief at his being there was obvious. He pulled the quilt up over them and Troi cuddled into his body. She closed her eyes sighed once, and fell asleep. Will tightened his arms around her and followed closely behind, smiling as he held the woman he loved close to his heart. They slept.

Riker was awakened by Deanna's thrashing and whimpering, she was dreaming again. He ordered "half lights" and checked his chrono. It was 0:300 hrs.

"Wake up Deanna!" he called out to her, as he tried to catch her flailing arms. "DEANNA!" he shook her sharply. "Wake up, it's just a dream!"

Troi awoke panting, sweating, and nauseous. Fear and revulsion filling her mind. The memory of the pain and fear was too much to bear. She clutched Will's arms, but stared right through him. Slowly as her trembling increased, Deanna's eyes cleared. Will watched the fear and revulsion fill their inky depths along with her tears.

"Oh God! Will it was the dream. They put their mouths on me, their, hands, their. I'm going to," Deanna bolted from the bed and ran into the bathroom, where she became violently sick. Will rushed after and rubbed her back while her body convulsed with spasms.

"Sshhh it's all right, you're safe here, it was a dream."

Deanna slowly raised her head, she was pale and shaking, her body damp with perspiration. Will offered her a glass of water and wiped her face, neck and mouth.

"OK now?" Will gently helped Deanna to her feet. Deanna leaned against him, but didn't meet his eyes.

"Yes, I think so."

"What was it, Deanna, can you tell me this time?"

Deanna's great luminous black eyes filled slowly with revulsion, pain, and finally tears. She shook her head slowly,

"No," she whispered, "No, I'm sorry, I can't." She turned away. Will went to her and held her, but her body was rigid, the fear/horror were still too fresh in her mind. He felt her close herself to him. He dropped his arms, allowing her to move away from him.

"I'll make some tea, and then we'll try to get back to sleep, okay?"

Deanna nodded and went to sit at the table, where he joined her with two cups of Yridian tea. He reached over and took her hand while they sat quietly sipping tea. Deanna rose and put their cups in the recycler. Will took her hand and led her back to bed. Will gathered Troi close once more and they slept entwined and undisturbed until morning.

Chapter 19

The Enterprise continued warping towards Betazed...the crew fell back into familiar routines. Life for Deanna and her closest friends fell into a familiar pattern. Deanna had spent an additional three days in sickbay, having had only one day with a fever. She had moved back into her own quarters with her mother ensconced in the VIP quarters on the deck above her. Lwaxana had pitched a minor fit upon seeing Deanna's hair, but quieted when Deanna told her in no uncertain terms, that it was none of her business.

Troi's life had settled into a quiet routine, that is except for the disturbing nightmares that plagued her nearly every night. Will spent most evenings with her alone, but on other occasions- Worf, Geordi, Data, and Beverly joined them for their habitual poker games. It was obvious to anyone who spent time with Will and Deanna that the two had rediscovered a deep and loving bond for each other once more. It showed in a look, a smile, a touch, and yes, a stolen kiss now & then. They were extremely discreet everywhere outside of their quarters. They didn't go out often, since Troi was still uncomfortable outside of her cabin. There amongst their closest friends, they felt no need to hide their feelings for one another.

It wasn't a secret however, since most of the crew was aware of their renewed relationship. All of the crew was happy that their counselor had found health and happiness at last.

And she had, except for the nightmares. For all outward appearances, Deanna looked lovely if a little pale and thin. Her short hair suited her,actually lent a gamin like quality to her exotic features. She was happy and friendly to all.

No one, not even Will knew how often she awoke panting, wet with sweat, her heart pounding from horrific nightmares. Not wanting to awaken Will, if he happened to have stayed, Deanna would lie beside him; nauseous, and trembling, her teeth clenched to keep from screaming in fear. Deanna didn't tell anyone about the dreams. Dreams where images of her capture and imprisonment, resurfaced to torture her again. Deanna was unaware that she hadn't fooled Will at all. He knew when she awoke and how long she would lie there trembling. He had tried to comfort her several times, but Deanna would leave their bed and go into the bathroom. She didn't return to bed until she was certain that Will was asleep. The dreams were intensified by the fevers.

Fevers that came and went, leaving Deanna pale and exhausted. Drs. Crusher and Paxa were concerned about her, but she insisted that she was fine. On the nights that Will stayed with her, Deanna invariably fell asleep after dinner in Will's arms usually sleeping undisturbed until morning.

Will knew that Deanna was having difficulty sleeping unless he stayed with her. She was looking very tired, but she insisted that it was her illness. That the fevers were the cause of her slow recovery. Riker's instincts told him otherwise. He began to spend the night with Deanna, excepting the nights that he was on duty. The evenings were quiet and pleasant. They had kissed and cuddled but hadn't made love. They had tried, both wanted to, but Deanna would freeze up if they became too intimate. She'd stiffen and pull away, sometimes crying softly. Her obvious distress was heartbreaking for Will to see.

She was so beautiful, yet so fragile, that he was desperate to comfort her and calm he fears. He knew though that he'd have to wait for Deanna's own mind to heal itself. It was difficult to be patient.

He'd mentioned his concerns to Dr. Crusher, and Dr. Paxa.

"You see, Counselor Troi is reluctant to admit to herself that she needs help with a personal problem...especially one that a full Betazoid would be able to heal almost without assistance from the outside." Paxa explained.

"I don't understand, what do you mean, "without assistance from the outside."" Will asked, confused.

"As a full Betazoid, she would have access to healing processes within her metaconscious that would help to heal her damaged psyche." Paxa tried to explain. "Her brain would filter the nightmare images through the paracortex which would allow the metaconscious mind to experience the nightmares fully. The metaconscious works to filter awareness of them to the conscious mind in increments that it could handle safely...It's a "safety valve" of sorts." he finished.

"I think I see...", Crusher began, "How can we help?"

"Deanna must reach the conclusion on her own, that she needs our help. Otherwise the nightmares will continue."

They left the room after talking briefly, each unsure as to what they should do next.


End file.
